Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
