i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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