my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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