Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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