am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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