you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize