I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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