We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
