video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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