You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
