Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
