It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
