I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
