Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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