Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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