um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
