when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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