he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
