the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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