I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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