Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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