just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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