My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
