Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
