Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
