5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
