I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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