Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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