I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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