Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I touched a dick in church today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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