Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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