She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
