my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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