I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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