Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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