Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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