Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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