I hate your face
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
