Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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