Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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