did you get engaged???
i just wanna soil my oats bro
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
