White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
