the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
