My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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