he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
