dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
