i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
