saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ladies don't puke and tell
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
