The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
