What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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