I cannot find my penis.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
