I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
