Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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