How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize