worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
