it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
