So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
