Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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