I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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