When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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