the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
