...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
