After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
