It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
