I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
