based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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