So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize