Dual....:-)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
