Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
did i walk over a car last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
