listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
