you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
