I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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