Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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