Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
