Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
