yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize