I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
