Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
