just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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