I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The best revenge is premature balding
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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